Fourteen years ago my life as I knew it changed. I was about to become a mom and that meant priorities would be changing. My plans of school would be put off, I was marrying the man I loved more than anything but yet really didn't know so there was a TON of growing to do, I was terrified of the future...but the one thing I did know was I was going to do my best to be an amazing mom. I knew there would be a learning curve, I knew my days of making decisions just for myself were over because EVERY SINGLE decision I made would affect my child. Thank goodness my babies are resilient because man have there been some silly decisions but nothing to affect my time with them or the home they depended on.
As time passed and one child became two, two became three, even less decisions were based on myself and more on their needs. Instead of new clothes for me...it was a new bike for one. Instead of going out with friends and hanging out and living the "adult" life...it was Friday night living room night watching Elmo and Madagascar and eating popcorn and Popsicles and trying to help them cope with why Dad was gone again. Instead of date night with my love going to the movies...it was an early dinner of chicken nuggets and early bedtime for the kids, then steak cooked at home with a new release movie and snuggles on the couch. My life was mom, my identity became JT's Savannah's or Jake's mom...and guess what THAT WAS OK!!! It was ok to support them 100% but I always "thought" something was missing.
At the age of 34 I have returned back to school. I was excited to start finding the identity I thought I had lost. But yet I am a mom still, I am way older than 95% of the students there and am as old as many of my professors. I find that I miss my being a full-time mom. I find that I can't juggle everything along with a school schedule. I am finding out I am not as superwoman as I used to be. I am also finding that my being a mom needs to still be a priority. My kids have not left my house...my kids may be independent in many ways but they still require mom (and dad LOL). In all of this I guess I am finding myself. Myself is someone who is super proud of what her kids have and are becoming. Myself is someone who is super proud of the flexibility that my kids have because Josh and I worked our hardest to give them a stable rock to stand on. Myself is someone who throughout the years would have the thoughts of "when can I do something for me just once" but am finding that guess what...all the time I was doing something for me.
So mom's even though it can become SOOOOOOO overwhelming when they are little and absolutely exhausting....giving them the most of yourself and having an identity as ________'s mom is a good thing! It is worth every exhausted tear of frustration....it is worth every moment you give up something for yourself to spend that night at home snuggling your sweet angel. Those moments will be gone so quickly and your Friday nights will not much longer be spent at home snuggling with them, but spending them at sporting events or waiting and worrying on them to get home from a function or a date night out (those days are creeping up way too quickly here). So yes I am the Phines' kids mom and that is definitely my identity and after 14 years...I am ok with that!
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