Time Goes Fast

I cried today. It was the day that I finally got enough strengtg to pack away Munchkin's 3 month clothes. Her pants were slowly creeping up towards her knees and it was time. I was not ready. It seems like I am never ready when the time comes.

As I packed away those tiny clothes, tears poured from me. Those tears are memories being packed into boxes. They are knowing I will pass those clothes along for other babies. They are knowing I likely will never open that box again. They are joy that I am able to watch this person grow and develop. They are fear that I won't always be able to keep her safe. Today those tears were there to remind me how fast time goes.

Those tears reminded me to hold Munchkin a little more. To read extra books to Tornado so I can cuddle her. To wrestle, boing, spin, and bounce Tornado when she asks simply because I can. To stare at Munchkin as she sleeps because soon she won't want to sleep in my arms. Time goes so fast that soon these things will all be in the past.

The tears today were tears that come from having pieces of your heart living outside of you. There will be many more tears in the future, both happy and sad. For today though, all tears are dried and we carry on with joy and laughs.

3 months of love

What an amazing 3 months we have had at this house. Our tiny munchkin is now officially 3 months old and in 10 days Tiny Tornado turns 2. The things that I have learned in the last 3 months are very important and must be remembered forever.

1: Juggling 2 children who squirm in opposite directions is possible and not as difficult as it looks.
2: Tornado will always want to snuggle when I am attempting to pump.
3: Munchkin can handle Tornado snuggling, loving, and squishing her.
4: Tornado thinks every diaper is poopy and tells us just in case we weren't aware.
5: Toddlers may not need naps but their parents do.
6: Childproof doorknobs are amazing!
7: Laundry quadruples in amount with the addition of one tiny baby.
8: Baby floor gyms make great blanket forts for toddlers and their parents.
9: Wallykazam is a great TV show.
10: How much love can fill a little house!

There are days I look around our house at the end of the day and I get very frustrated. There is usually a bit of a mess from a Tornado, Munchkin blankets and bottles everywhere and a bit of dog hair. Then I think about why the blocks form a train in the living room, 8 blankets are on the baby mat, the crayons are in the dog bowl, 6 sippy cups are scattered about, baby bottles are piled in the sink, and the toy boxes are up ended. It is because we played choo choo train with the blocks, built a fort while pretending to be ghosts, emptied the crayon bag out to have me wear it as a hat, were searching for a specific ball to play catch, and needed milk, water, and orange juice to drink. Instead of cleaning, I snuggled Munchkin, nibbled on her little legs, and we all did tummy time together. We talked to her bugs, read a dozen stories and helped Tornado learn to get her own water.

Tonight I got it all cleaned up before I climbed in my bed. Each toy and area of destruction makes me smile. Memories were made today and that makes for a great day.

The risk of being a veterinarian

When I became a veterinarian, I only knew that this was something I had worked for and been going to school for years to do. I knew that I wanted to help animals and that I could do this job and make it a career and passion. What I didn't know was the toll that it would take. It takes pieces of your heart and sometimes causes you to lose hope and purpose. This is why veterinarians have one of the highest suicide rates of any profession. There are few other professions where you are responsible for lives that are innocent and reliant on your decisions with little input. Few professions have to make life and death decisions with what may end up being incomplete information. All of these factors cause a large amount of stress. 

This stress is added to because we have someone's family member that we are responsible for. We not only have to take care of the pet but also their owners. For many veterinarians this part is more stressful than the medicine. We have all dealt with sad owners, angry owners, and owners without the financial means to help their pet. The hardest situations are the mean, abusive owners. We have all had them and often nothing we could have done or want to do will change their opinion. These are the owners that post abusive comments on social media and verbally attack us. These attacks are heartbreaking. The ones that say we are only vets for the money and we don't care about pets are upsetting. The ones that say we enjoy killing pets are disturbing. I have seen them all and know that I can't change their minds and can only do my best work daily. That doesn't mean that I don't carry them with me every day and question whether I gave everything I had for that person in that moment.

Many veterinarians are also very hard on themselves. We tend to be high-functioning, highly dedicated, highly educated people who as a group expect only the best of ourselves every day. When a case goes wrong, we lose a patient, or we aren't given the means to do what needs done we can become extremely frustrated. Frustrated with ourselves, with the world, and with the profession. All of this frustration combined with stress can become a catalyst for extreme behavior. Unless we learn to talk about what is happening we are at huge risk.

Recently we have dealt with several high-profile suicided within the profession. These incidents are extremely concerning. If the people who are at the forefront of the profession can't handle the stress how are those in the trenches everyday suppose to handle it? 

I don't have the answers for everyone. I only know what is my saving grace. I know that on those days when the job seems extremely heavy and unbearable I cry. I give myself my 30 minute drive home to feel sorry for what happened that day. I might cry, I might scream, I might turn the radio up loud and drive fast. When I walk in the door, I look into the eyes of my tiny tornado and smile. I listen to her laugh and let it heal my heart. I hug my husband and maybe hold him a little tighter than normal. I play peek-a-boo with the curtains and sing Itsy Bitsy Spider. All of those things take away some of the pain and stress. They also remind me of the most important things in my life. The things that I live for outside of work.

There are still days that I want to walk away from this job. There are days when I know that if I see another euthanasia I will not be able to stop crying. I keep all the cards and gifts I have received from clients over the years and I pull them out to read them when I need a reminder that I did something right one time. I try to remember the cases that I helped save a life that matters to someone. Without those cases I would have burned out long-ago. Even now, I only work part-time for numerous reasons including the stress and most likely will not work full-time again for a long, long time if ever.

If you are a veterinarian reading this, please find something in your life that gives you hope, joy and passion. We have lost too many already and I don't want to read more obituaries. If you own pets, please be kind when they need a doctor. As a profession we are doing our best and we all want to work with you and help you. If you have a veterinarian whom you love, send them a thank you note or gift(food is always a plus). We treasure them and use them to help us survive. Remember, you don't know what someone else is carrying in their heart and by being kind you may make a huge difference in someone's day.  

What A Difference A Month Makes

It has been awhile since any of us have written. Between work, school, and life times just slipped by. My part of the family added a new addition a month ago. The Tiny Tornado acquired a little sister who she tells us on a daily basis is her baby. At a month old she hasn't yet earned herself a nickname but I am sure she will work on it.

It had been less than two years since the tornado was a new baby but it is easy to forget things. Things like new babies eat every 2 to 3 hours and don't care what else you have planned. That they don't really enjoy pooping and will tell you all about it as loud as they can. That 2 AM is a great time to have a long discussion about the joys of sleeping that they won't listen to. Things like how fragile they seem in that first moment you hold them. Things like how much you can be in love with someone the very first time you see them. Things like wanting to never let them go and not wanting to share. Even knowing how quickly these moments go and wanting to remember them forever I know I will forget some things. So every day I take a moment to smell her head, kiss her little nose and cherish her voice. Even if that voice is yelling that lunch is 10 minutes late and she has a wet diaper. I guess that is my cue to snuggle again. Oh darn.

Traveling with a Tornado

Tiny Tornado took her first true international trip last week. She has been to Canada a few times but that doesn't really count because it is closer to Canada that to the nearest big town. On this trip though she got her first passport stamp. We were a little anxious about the trip and prepared ourselves for very long flights with a 16 months old wild child. After a long, cold, windy winter though nothing was going to keep us from a week of sun, sand and a pool. 

Our first night we stayed in a hotel so we could catch our crack of dawn flight. Tornado's favorite part of that hotel was definitely the metal horse sculptures on the walls. She saw them and spent 10 minutes just saying neigh, neigh, neigh while pointing at them. Then when she woke up at 4 in the morning to leave she talked to them again while getting ready. They were the greatest distraction from anything else going on around us. 

We had learned from our last trip that it was easiest to have her in her car seat ont he plane and that went amazing!! She slept for the first flight and then played, read and was generally amazing for the second flight. We did let her watch one episode of Mickey Mouse but that was mostly to get us through taxiing and off the plane. Then came the highlight of her life thus far. 

Tornado is a water baby. If she wasn't before this trip she is now. Most of the battles on this trip were over the fact that her parents thought she needed a daily nap and she thought she should be playing in the pool. The first 3 days the only time she cried was because we took her back to the room and wouldn't open the door for her. She just knew that there were people out there to play with her and adore her. The sand and the beach weren't quite the draw that the pool was. She didn't like the sand getting everywhere and the waves were a little intense for her but she still didn't want to leave them. 

The other guests were amazing thank goodness. We are parents to a very opinionated, independent tornado with little fear. Our evenings were spent following her around the plaza from table to table. She loves to smile and talk to people. She also loves to show them her belly button much to her parents' chagrin (we are working on that). Tornado decided one time to visit the band and after we stopped her the singer took her up on stage and danced and sang while holding her. She loved it and waved and smiled at the crowd. Between the people, pool, fountains, and stairs I don't think that she could have asked for a better vacation. 

Finally after 5 days of sun and sand; she was exhausted. The last morning she did not want to play in the pool, she just wanted to sit on the stairs and relax. She took a nap on the way to the airport that was about an hour. Just long enough to give her some energy but not long enough for her to be truly rested.  The next flight was just over 3 hours and was probably the longest stretch of crabbiness we have had from her. We pulled out every trick that we had and survived the flight. The man in front of her was able to nap so she couldn't have been as loud as she seemed. It was the one time that she was allowed to watch 4 episodes of Bubble Guppies in a row with Mickey Mouse added on. We made it through that trial and then she fell sound asleep for the entire last flight. It took a couple days at home before she was well rested and back to her normal happy self. 

The main thing we learned from this trip was just to trust ourselves and our little girl. She is really a happy baby and as long as we let her get some rest she will survive and so will we. The worst that will happen is that she will be fussy on a plane and we can handle that. The best thing is I know that the next flight she takes I get to stay home and she will be traveling with her dad by herself to visit a very important friend. That might be a very interesting trip!!

Lunchables and Cheetos...Oh dear!!!

This morning I was informed "We are out of cereal AND bread."  Whats for breakfast??...well let me whip up some bacon and eggs real quick instead of getting ready to go to my final...throw my hair in a ponytail, throw on some clothes and rush out the door for a 7 AM final.  Oh by the way...there are no leftovers, no rice made, no meat ready, and no bread for sandwiches...NOT EVEN TORTILLAS!!! Yep I know I know, I need to go get groceries...we do have food just not quick and out the door food.  So after class I stopped and grabbed a couple of Lunchables and Cheetos and took them to the two littles.  But boy did I feel like a complete horrible parent dropping off junk food like that!!!

Since December I have learned a few things...

1.  I spoiled my kids ROTTEN! And yes we expect a ton out of them, but they really were spoiled rotten as far as household chores go.

2.  As a parent that is going to school, it is nowhere NEAR just working full-time.  Last year when I was working outside the home, I could still have time to cook paleo, workout, keep things cleaned up, help with projects and not be stressed.

3.  School has become my number one priority and it needs to be that way.  The house will wait, the kids can function and do a load of laundry and be given a list of things to accomplish and it will be done or they lose privileges and that's ok too!!!  

Most importantly I have learned that it is ok to not be super mom.  Yep, for many many years my whole world revolved around making sure I was doing everything I could to support their growth and development- physically, emotionally, socially and intellectually.  It has take a lot of work to let things go and realize that I set the foundations in place and that really Jake is the only one that still requires a couple more years of true support where the other two are now in the position of just a little redirection now and then (or a lot LOL). The foundations have been laid and it is now time to start letting them build (as absolutely scary and hard as that is for me).

This latest adventure has reminded me of a part of myself I had lost.  The part that absolutely LOVES science and math...(there was a reason I was once in engineering lol).  I realized that I actually do have a lot to give besides just being a mom and a wife and taking care of things at home.  

I am finishing up a semester of 15 credits and although a lot of people take a ton more, 15 credits my first semester back while balancing the insanity of sports and kids has shown me that I can finish and that entering the work force will be so much easier than full time school and juggling things (not to mention JT will have his license by then EEEEEEK!!!!)   

Most importantl,y I have learned that it is OK to once in awhile drop the ball (even when it comes to groceries) and feed the kids Lunchables and Cheetos (YUCK!!!).  They will live, they will flourish, and they will learn that it is ok to struggle so long as you don't let those struggles defeat you!!! 

For those of you moms that did this when your kids were little...I give you props because with old ones who are somewhat independent its rough!!!  For those of you that are considering finishing school...do it!!! It is not only good for you but is good for those kids. Through you they are learning so many life lessons right along with you!  -Including that Lunchables and Cheetos really do taste good even if they are complete nastiness :)-

Now it's back to finals studying and preparing this house for a Maymester of math!!! 

Are we ready for this?

Yesterday was a big day in our family. Tiny Tornado had to spend an extra day with the babysitter so that her Daddy and I could go to the doctor. We are 20 weeks pregnant and got to discover whether Peanut 2 (P2) was going to be a girl or boy. Both of us were pretty sure P2 was a girl but we still had doubts of course. The best part is getting to see that tiny baby moving around on the screen and knowing that everything is healthy.

Sitting in the dark room, we both got the giggles. The ultrasound technician started the scan and the first thing she says is "baby is curled up and we will see how much we can do". A few minutes later as we watch the tiny baby on the screen spinning, bouncing, waving and kicking the technician says "this baby is very active". As the ultrasound continues on we hear "this baby is making me work for everything, I don't know if we will get everything we need, I am going to have another technician come in for these last few to see if they can't get them". All of these exact words and phrases we had heard once before in August of 2012 when we were 20 weeks pregnant with Tornado. That time we had to have a second ultrasound done because it was not going to happen. This time at least we got all of the required pictures, it only took 20 minutes longer than usual per the technician. After 3 times of checking, P2 finally allowed a look and gave us the answer we were waiting for. Another little girl will be joining our family in September. As we watched the antics on the screen a small measure of concern filled us. Tornado has earned her nickname on a daily basis and doesn't stop moving unless she is sleeping. Can we handle 2 little girls that are that active?

Now that we are on the downhill slide of growing this baby we will make ourselves ready for a second little girl. If she has half the joy and smiles that Tornado has we will survive and flourish. Our family is growing and what an amazing blessing for us to have 2 tiny girls growing and changing every day. Now, however, Tornado is sleeping and I should do the same for shortly naptime will be a thing of the past.

No Stupid Questions, Only Strange Ones

Today was one of those days where I leave work shaking my head. I understand that people have a lot of questions about their animals. Most days I love answering all of these questions and will spend a long time visiting with anyone who is willing to listen to me and be interested in the health of their pets. Sometimes though, I can't believe the things people ask.

First up was the 5 month old puppy who had not had any vaccines since 8 weeks old when she bought it for a certain amount at a puppy store. I am ok with the vaccines because she didn't know when and why it needed more vaccines. However, her 8 year old child racing through the clinic tormenting the cats, pulling things out of cabinets, and continuously bothering the puppy was frustrating. All of this without any attempt by the mother to stop the behavior. As I try to explain why vaccines are necessary, why spaying and hernia repair is recommended, and what heart worm disease is I watch this 30 pound puppy nibble on the leash, the child, the owner and everything it can reach. As I turn my focus to the puppy he thinks I am a new chew toy and jumps on me. I complete my exam despite the owner and puppy trying to strangle me with the leash. Discussing behavior results in a glazed appearance so maybe we will try that discussion again later. However, as she is checking out she wants to pay later. I politely say we need payment today as we had never seen her before. I am not sure if she will ever be back because she did not like my answer. I will never understand why people purchase pets if they cannot afford the simplest of care . Pets are not a right. This is likely to upset some people but I have seen the result of puppies that don't receive vaccines on time and it is gruesome and often deadly.

The next question was about scheduling a euthanasia. People ask me often how I am able to do that part of my job. For me, that is the hardest and the most rewarding part of my job. I get to ease the pain of my patients and prevent the people who love them from suffering along with them. Sometimes I cry right along with the owners. Sometimes I go home at night and cry myself to sleep over it. Most times I know that it is the right thing at the right time and am at peace with it. This scheduling was one of the rare instances when I wish it had been scheduled much, much earlier. I diagnosed a cat with diabetes almost 2 months ago and the cat was not in good condition at that time. The owners wanted to go home for the weekend and consider euthanasia versus treating. Diabetes is a lifelong disease that requires daily care and can be expensive to treat with many difficulties along the way. Euthanasia is a great option if clients can't commit to the expense and time commitment. At the time of diagnosis it was made very clear that this cat was suffering with the disease and a decision needed to be made within a few days. I scheduled the euthanasia as soon as possible. It breaks my heart to know that this cat has been living with this disease and very likely suffering for 2 months.

The final question of the day was the most confusing. A couple of years ago a dog had bit a child. It was sent to live with the parent of the owner on a farm. This dog then proceeded to attack at least 2 other dogs, killing one of them and seriously injuring another. The dog consistently displays aggression towards strangers, other dogs and with food. When I was unable to guarantee that spaying the dog would fix the behavior concerns we discussed euthanasia as a viable option. Sadly, this happens often. Behavior problems are one of the most common reasons for euthanasia of pets. We discussed the cost of euthanasia. This is the time when it became confusing. The woman on the phone asked me if she could just use human sleeping pills to do the euthanasia at home. I strongly advised her that this would be a very terrible decision and would not be humane for the pet. I recommended she schedule an appointment and she said she would be calling back. Hopefully she does.

These are the days when I leave the building thankful that I get to come home to a family that lets me vent and tell about my day. Thankful that when I walk in the door I am greeted by a small little girl who grins, yells MaMa and runs to me saying uh uh uh (up up up). Thankful for the days that I do get to snuggle puppies and talk with clients who listen to what I am saying and actually care about it. Those things are what get me through days like today where I want to sit some people down and tell them what I really think. Instead, I keep my professional demeanor and let myself shake my head later.

Dinner preparation and a new recipe

Dinner time at our house tends to be a scramble of what to make and what we need for it. I know it would be much easier if I would just make a menu for the month and stick to it but I have a hard enough time figuring out what I want for lunch on one day let alone dinner for 30 days. Now that I am back to work, Brian cooks three days a week at least and those are the days we definitely would benefit from some planning. He ends up having to do the thawing, preparation, and cooking all with Tiny Tornado insisting on either helping, being held, or having a snack. Those are the most difficult days to get a meal on the table and usually it is ready by six despite all of that.

The two days during the week I don't work I am responsible for dinner. Some times I plan ahead, pull something out in the morning and dinner is ready at the Tornado's preferred time of 5:30. Other days I am scrambling at 5 to throw something together that everyone will eat. Today was a day I am proud of. I had dinner in the crockpot before 1:00 and it will be ready by 5:30. We are having baked beans and sausage that I found on Pinterest and I am thrilled to try a new recipe. Usually I get stuck in a rut and we just have the same things over and over. Any time we find a new recipe that we end up liking it is a great thing and it gets added into the rotation. Does anyone else have amazing recipes that you use over and over? I would love to have new recipes added into our rotation. They have to be simple, easy to throw together and use things that are common in a house that is an hour from the grocery store.

14 years ago....

Fourteen years ago my life as I knew it changed.  I was about to become a mom and that meant priorities would be changing.  My plans of school would be put off, I was marrying the man I loved more than anything but yet really didn't know so there was a TON of growing to do, I was terrified of the future...but the one thing I did know was I was going to do my best to be an amazing mom.  I knew there would be a learning curve, I knew my days of making decisions just for myself were over because EVERY SINGLE decision I made would affect my child.  Thank goodness my babies are resilient because man have there been some silly decisions but nothing to affect my time with them or the home they depended on.

As time passed and one child became two, two became three, even less decisions were based on myself and more on their needs.  Instead of new clothes for me...it was a new bike for one.  Instead of going out with friends and hanging out and living the "adult" life...it was Friday night living room night watching Elmo and Madagascar and eating popcorn and Popsicles and trying to help them cope with why Dad was gone again. Instead of date night with my love going to the movies...it was an early dinner of chicken nuggets and early bedtime for the kids, then steak cooked at home with a new release movie and snuggles on the couch.  My life was mom, my identity became JT's Savannah's or Jake's mom...and guess what THAT WAS OK!!! It was ok to support them 100% but I always "thought" something was missing.

At the age of 34 I have returned back to school.  I was excited to start finding the identity I thought I had lost.  But yet I am a mom still, I am way older than 95% of the students there and am as old as many of my professors.  I find that I miss my being a full-time mom.  I find that I can't juggle everything along with a school schedule. I am finding out I am not as superwoman as I used to be.  I am also finding that my being a mom needs to still be a priority.  My kids have not left my house...my kids may be independent in many ways but they still require mom (and dad LOL).  In all of this I guess I am finding myself.  Myself is someone who is super proud of what her kids have and are becoming.  Myself is someone who is super proud of the flexibility that my kids have because Josh and I worked our hardest to give them a stable rock to stand on.   Myself is someone who throughout the years would have the thoughts of "when can I do something for me just once" but am finding that guess what...all the time I was doing something for me.

So mom's even though it can become SOOOOOOO overwhelming when they are little and absolutely exhausting....giving them the most of yourself and having an identity as ________'s mom is a good thing!  It is worth every exhausted tear of frustration....it is worth every moment you give up something for yourself to spend that night at home snuggling your sweet angel.  Those moments will be gone so quickly and your Friday nights will not much longer be spent at home snuggling with them, but spending them at sporting events or waiting and worrying on them to get home from a function or a date night out (those days are creeping up way too quickly here).  So yes I am the Phines' kids mom and that is definitely my identity and after 14 years...I am ok with that!

Have You Seen My Socks?

In the 6 weeks I have been back at work, we have developed a slight problem. I have already pointed out that I hate doing laundry and that being back at work is great because it lets me avoid doing it at all costs. I realize I am home 3 or 4 days a week, but I still manage to avoid the dirty clothes forming Mt. Laundry in our bedroom. The only problem with this is if laundry isn't done after one week my darling husband runs out of work socks. Heaven forbid he has to work a weekend shift because it is almost guaranteed he is going to have to wear a pair of socks that are not regulation. Those are the days I pray the blousing on his pants doesn't creep up and show his socks.

I have told him several times that we can probably afford to have more than 5 pairs of work socks. They won't fit in his sock drawer though because of the white socks that also must occupy the tiny space that I allotted him for his socks. So really, it is my own fault that some days he is scrambling around at 6:30 in the morning searching for those darn olive green, knee-high socks. The positive side of all of this is that after 4 weeks of this and searching and scrambling for socks I  was replaced as PIC (person in charge) of laundry. A typical Saturday for my husband now includes doing the laundry from the week which amount to anywhere from 5 to 7 loads. At the end of the day, before we can go to sleep we must remove all of the clean laundry from the bed. Sometimes this means actually folding and putting away of the clothes. Other times (if I get there first) it may mean piling the clean clothes in a laundry basket and pretending they aren't there. I am very good at pretending. However, my pretending causes the same search for those darn socks come Monday morning.

Some days I actually think, ok, I have plenty of time to do a load of laundry or two while I am home and if I just start it first thing I can put it away and have it all done before lunch. Then Tiny Tornado awakens and the day really starts. We play horses, read books, chase kitties and doggies, put shoes on and off, climb in and out of bouncers and walkers, make animal noises, and have 5 meals a day. Every day that I spend with her is precious and each moment is cherished. Even the ones that I am being scolded for telling her no, which is far more often that she would like. Those things put the thoughts of laundry far into the back of my mind. Nothing is more likely to stop me from doing laundry or dishes then tiny fingers pulling on my pantleg and handing me One Fish Two Fish; Red Fish Blue Fish by Dr. Seuss or Charlie and The Christmas Kitty by Ree Drummond. I know when she hands me these two books that she wants to sit in my lap and snuggle while we read them. I read, she yells fishy or kitty at each page and sometimes we have to stop so she can race around the room in excitement (she really likes fish and kitties).

She won't want to sit in my lap and snuggle forever. These days will be gone. One day, I won't look around at naptime and laugh at the massive amount of chaos that she created in 3 hours by spreading all her books and toys throughout the front half of the house. One day soon, she won't yell at me because I haven't read a book correctly or I missed a page. Before long, she won't say boooo every time we ask her what a cow says or howl when we ask her what Charlie says. So for as long as she will let me, I will sit on the floor for hours, read books, play horses and cars, and squeeze her a little too tight. I am blessed to have a darling husband who understands that I am going to embrace every minute with Tiny Tornado. This is likely to mean that he will be doing laundry for a long, long time. It means that there will be days that his socks aren't quite in regulation. It definitely means that there will be times we both search through Mt. Laundry for a matching pair of olive green, knee-high socks.

Reading Is Important. Right?

I love reading. Before the tornado arrived, I could often be found relaxing on my day off with a book and a cup of tea. I have been that way forever. I have a personal library of over 200 books that we have moved across the country and will continue to do so. Sometimes during naptime, I still sit down with a good book and a cup of tea. I understand the importance of books and reading to children. I know it is a wonderful thing. My concern is when is it too much?

Tiny Tornado has developed a love of books. She has overtaken one shelf of my bookcase and it has about 50 books on it. She also has books that don't go on the bookshelves that are small picture books. Every day that we are home this bookshelf is emptied. In the morning, we read for about 2 hours. No, I am not exaggerating. I sit on the floor, she brings me a book, I read it and then send her to get a different one. Some times she brings a new one, sometimes it is one we just read, sometimes she gets distracted for a couple minutes but she always comes back. The afternoons are much the same, just for a longer period of time. We try to distract her with toys, food, juice, and anything we possibly can. The distractions last for a few minutes and then she finds a book and we start all over.

We have started hiding books to escape them. Where is Ellie the Elephant was read over 50 times in a week. It got sent to the babysitter (Sorry for that). If the book happens to have a cat in it we must read it over and over and over. Every time she sees the cat she yells KITTY. Charlie and the Christmas Kitty by Ree Drummond is currently hiding under the couch. Good Morning, Good Night is inside the seat of the recliner. If we did not work to make her do other things, she would want us to read to her for probably 6 or 7 hours a day.

At what point is it too much? When do we need to put the books where she can't reach them? Do we need to limit her reading like we limit her iPad or TV time? Is it important that she play with other toys in addition to her books? Is it great that she loves to read and we are doomed to read Five Little Pumpkins over and over until she learns to read on her own?

Home is...

"Where the Army sends you", "Where the heart is", "Where you make it."  All of those are true yes but home...well ask any of my kids where home is and where they are from and they will tell you Pony.  I am not exactly sure how it came to be, but somewhere along the route of Alaska, Washington, Georgia, Kansas, and now Georgia, Montana became their home base.  Maybe it was because of the insane amount of love they receive there.  Maybe it's because we return no matter what.  Maybe it's because they actually went to school there with their Grandma and their Aunt as their teachers and it's where their Mom and Aunts and MJ and Erik went. Who knows! But somewhere along the lines they formed bonds, not just with family but the community.  They love Ralph who gave my two older ones a smile every morning on the bus, they love Mrs Cooper who actually made them workout and have a real PE class (which is something they get highly annoyed at everywhere else LOL), Lori because after all she is the most amazing lunchroom cook (and now makes the best ribs EVER I hear whenever I make ribs LOL) .  They adore Maxine because Maxine is just the most amazing lady ever.  There are SO many people I could name that my kids constantly refer back to. Most importantly they found role models. 

I guess growing up in a small tiny community like Pony, Harrison, Norris, you fail to realize what the REAL world is really like until you step foot into it and travel all over and just how lucky you were to grow up there.  We were so blessed let Typhoon and Tsunami go to school there for just a few months while Josh was deployed.  In this life, many kids when you ask them where they are from they will tell you their last duty station...mine currently say well we came from Kansas, but really Montana is home.  It has always made me chuckle and shake my head at how they have two places.  It is amazing knowing these kids have a solid home base to return to.  It gives them a sense of security in knowing that no matter where we go they can always go "home."

 Last night it was made clear where home for them was.  All three kids were gathered around Facebook with me constantly refreshing hoping for an update.  It is just a Class C High School basketball game.  They don't even truly know some of the girls as they are from Willow Creek or are new.  But...a few years ago a little girl (AKA Typhoon) entered that school as a 1st grader not knowing anyone (except her teacher because... well it was her Auntie!) She soon found she didn't know the little kids but she DID know the bigger kids.  She knew Austin and she knew Robin all because of her MoMo (MJ, Morgan whatever you want to call her LOL)..and by knowing those girls she got to know Kristen and then Britt (and of course they were in her Grammy's class at that point so she got to know them a little that way too).  Now Kristen is a Senior, Britt is a Junior and that little first grader is now an 11 year old basketball player.  She watched those two play when they were junior high girls and now sees them playing and knows how hard they have worked. She hears about them on our summers home.  She knows they are great in school, they are always sweet and say hi to her if they see her and all of that makes an impression.   She of course strives to be like her MoMo, who well as we all know has been her main role model since she was about 18 months old..from sports to injuries to attitude :).  But by establishing a home base and letting them have Pony and Harrison truly be their home, they have found true "peer" role models, especially with Typhoon and those two basketball players. 

 This life has us living in a place 3-4 years at most and so the idea of older kids guiding those younger kids that happens so abundantly in small towns, is missed often in this lifestyle.  The bonds that are formed from the time they are babies and the "big kids" are elementary don't exist in this lifestyle very often.  So I guess my kids are right.  Home is still the Pony, Harrison, Norris community that was my home for 18 years, because even though they don't live there 100% of the time, they still can go home and for now (because well Typhoon is quickly becoming one of those older kids)  have bonds there from when they were little. We are one lucky military family to be able to call one single place "home".

I don't make homemade baby food and I am ok with it

I had such great plans before Tiny Tornado was born. I was going to be Super Mom. I was going to breastfeed, make my own baby food, use cloth diapers and make sure she only had the most essential things so she didn't get spoiled. All her clothes were washed in baby detergent and we were all ready for her to make her appearance. Oh how plans change when the baby actually arrives.

Breastfeeding was not happening for us no matter how hard I tried. All of the pictures and videos made it seem so easy but for us, it involved screaming, crying, and extreme frustration.  A starving baby who was the color of an orange was not a good thing and so that plan was amended. I pumped numerous times a day and onto the bottle she went.  That worked for us even when people judged that I was giving my tiny baby a bottle. I just would smile and say yes she takes a bottle. No need to explain it was still breastmilk because it wouldn't matter and they don't need to see inside my life.

We did use cloth diapers for a time but only because we had a diaper service that dropped them off, picked them up, and washed them for us. Otherwise, this would have become a distant wish as well. As I have said before I hate laundry, so why I ever thought I would want to wash poopy diapers is beyond me. Once we moved away from our big city, away the cloth diapers went and Tornado was in disposables. Yes, we are destroying the environment but saving our sanity.

At 6 months, we started her on baby food. We were in the middle of a cross-country move so we started with jars of food. I told myself once we were settled I would get into a routine of making my own, freezing it and it would all be perfect. I think the Tornado can read my plans and laughs as she makes her own. I made one batch of pears that I cooked, pureed, and froze. Then I did a batch of sweet potatoes. These were both foods that she loved from the jar so I thought perfect, this will be easy and she will love it. She absolutely refused to eat any of it. By this point, she was eating an entire jar two or three times a day. She should have loved the food I made her. The disaster that occurred all over the highchair indicated she did not. Out of the jar she would eat like she was starving. Anytime I tried to give her a homemade puree she spit it everywhere. Finally I gave up trying.

My plan of being Super Mom was quickly dashed. There are all these expectations set forth for moms in today's society. You must breastfeed, don't feed chemicals, don't feed food that is processed, don't use disposable diapers because they have chemicals that can affect their organs, don't vaccinate, do vaccinate but whenever you want, vaccinate exactly on schedule. What I have learned in the last 14 months is that as much as society tries to manipulate us there is only one thing that matters. It is that Tiny Tornado has food-even if it is sometimes frozen chicken nuggets and broccoli (which she thinks is a cookie), a safe home even if it means sometimes she has to fight with animals over space, and love. Love is definitely present in our home from the cat that insists on snuggling with her during naptime to the dog that allows her to eat his food and sit on him in his kennel. Never will Tiny Tornado doubt that she is loved beyond all measure.  To me that makes me Super Mom for the moment. At least until the next battle of wills which is likely to occur after naptime.

What You Say Is Important, What You Do Is Even More So!

As my kids are little bit older it is becoming more and more clear that actions speak louder than words.  Just in the last few weeks the examples of this have been amazing.

1.  They are required to read non-fiction books as well as fiction in the elementary school.  Tsunami brought home a new non-fiction book to read. To my surprise instead of being about horses or dogs or any other animal it was a book on archaeology.  This semester I have anthropology.  One of my books is dealing with different cultures and she has fallen in love with it.  By showing an interest in anthropology (even though it is not one of my favorite classes), a new door has opened up for her to view with an open mind and positive attitude.

2.  Studying:  It has become an even bigger habit in our house.  Because I am usually studying one thing or another, my kids have taken it upon themselves to keep up.  This has turned into Typhoon, who is working on genetics, to quiz me left and right about things he is learning (which is a great thing considering it is right in line with what we are doing in anthropology!)  It has turned into Tsunami quizzing me over simple machines and mass and other physical science facts. Thunderstorn has taken it upon himself to quiz me on his math which in 2nd grade is super easy, but he is still in turn learning them himself.  These study sessions are just the beginning of great skills that have been neglected.

3.  Baking:  Throughout their lives we have used Wheat Montana flour. This is because 1. I know where it comes from and 2.  I love supporting people I "know" and 3. It really is an amazing flour :)!!! Well because of this Tsunami has decided this should be the only flour we use.  All by just observing what Mom does.  Typhoon went to school today and rocked his cooking demonstration and when asked to actually bake his cookie dough (he was just demonstrating how to use a rolling pin)  he told her well I believe its 375 for about 10 minutes.  It definitely isn't because he is helping me bake them at home, but he has definitely been observing whats been going on around him.

With all of this just happening in the last week or so it brings to mind that all of us need to really pay attention to what we are doing ourselves!  We ask so much of our kids but in many cases we don't do those things ourselves.  We are truly models for the younger generations and it is sad to think that so many of us get so busy caught up in life we forget that there are little eyes upon us.  We want kids to be less dependent on technology for entertainment...WE need to be less dependent on technology for entertainment!  We want our children to be more active and fight obesity...that begins with the adults and role models around them!  This last week has been so eye opening for me as a mom. It has brought back into focus the importance of still teaching them and not letting things slide by the wayside just because I am super busy.

It's time to bring days like this back!

Hurricanes, Tornadoes, Thunderstorms, Typhoons, and Tsunamis Oh my!!!

As you read our blogs you will be introduced to many natural disasters.  We thought we should explain who's who and what belongs to who!

 Lindsey has the Tiny Tornado and she is a busy little bee.  She is just almost 14 months old and brings a bunch of joy to her Momma and her Daddy. She is starting to toddle about and has a love for animals just like her mama...although her kitty, Hemi, is her favorite!

Stephanie has a hurricane that lives in her house. Hurricane is a sweet little 18 month old who keeps her Momma busy, busy, busy and creates many hurricane disasters everywhere she goes.  The little hurricane is learning to clean up her natural disasters but sometimes its not successful, sometimes it's just shake your head and giggle and say "thank you for your help" as you return everything to its proper spot.

Ami has the typhoon, the tsunami, and the thunderstorm.  The typhoon is a great 13 yr old boy who brings lots of teen adventures and crazy incidents and a love for wrestling and Jiu Jitsu.  The tsunami is a sweet 11 yr old girl who is constantly bringing joy and smiles. She is an active, sports loving little girl who loves Jiu Jitsu and basketball. The thunderstorm is an 8 yr old boy who brings laughter to all those around him and is quite the adventurous little man.  He has once again fallen in love with Jiu Jitsu and is getting ready to play some football once fall arrives.

Yes, we all have weather events as our children, destructive ones at that.  If you know our families, you understand why.  Life is never calm (well rarely calm) and they keep us constantly on our toes.   We are all in different phases of our lives, in different locations around the US and learning so much as we walk through this life of ours.

TORNADO

HURRICANE

TYPHOON, THUNDERSTORM, TSUNAMI

It's The Little Things

After becoming a mom a year and a half ago, (wow has it really been that long? Just about!) I have learned more and more that it is the little things that matter most. It's your husband putting his dish in the dishwasher instead of the sink, it's the 5 second hug and quick kiss as we run out the door in two different directions, it's the moment when your daughter says "mom!" and then continues telling a story in baby talk that really matters. 

Last night as I was getting my little hurricane ready for bed, she decided she didn't want oatmeal for a bed time snack. This ALWAYS means we will be up in the middle of the night for a 2 am snack.  It never ever fails! But she was exhausted, so we gave goodnight hugs and kisses and put her in bed. The thought that crossed my mind was, "So much for a full nights sleep tonight...oh, the life of a mom." 

I crawled into bed and before I knew it it was 1:45 and I heard my little angel fussing. I drug myself out of bed, stumbled sleepily across the family room, around the corner and into my little angels bedroom. There she was laying in her crib, looking up at me with sweet innocent blue eyes, and her arms extended towards me.  I picked her up, went upstairs to grab a granola bar (her favorite 2 am snack), and then headed back down to our favorite rocking chair.  She had a bite, maybe two and then nuzzled herself against me. Snuggles? From my hurricane? This hardly ever happens!! We rocked and rocked. Little sucking noises came as she sucked on her bink, , she grunted little grunts as she made her self comfortable, and then came the noise of sweet little snores as she slept peacefully in my arms. It now made no difference to me that I didn't get a full nights sleep. I got snuggles from my babe and that was so much better! 

The bright moon was shining in the window, I was rocking my little hurricane, and all I could think about is how blessed I really am.  I have a wonderful home, a great job, a supportive family, a loving husband, and the sweetest, busiest little hurricane in the world. It was the little bonding moment in the middle of the night that reminded me it's the little things that matter in our life and that we must take time to bond with our babies. It might be a midnight snuggle, an afternoon stroll, a trip to the park, or a minute of playing horses or chase but it's the little moments that count.

So, please, take a little minute with your baby or hubby to enjoy life, make time for little moments and never take them for granted. 

5 Reasons I am Thrilled to Go Back to Work (So Stop Asking If I Will Cry Dropping off Tiny Tornado)

I am going back to work after almost a year of being without a job. This time as a stay at home mom was not by choice but due to lack of employment opportunities in a very rural area. I have worked since I was 15 and was in a professional job for 5 years and loved it. So when we moved I lost a large part of my identity. My job was who I was for much of my week. So staying at home has been extremely hard.

Don't get me wrong. I love Tiny Tornado beyond anything I thought possible and am glad I got to be with her every moment of her first year. Every single moment. I felt I needed to be the perfect wife, housekeeper, mother because that was my job now and I may be a bit of an over-acheiver when it comes to my job. Now that I am going back to my profession I have a list of things I missed about work or won't miss about home.

1: Laundry - I hate laundry with a passion. When I worked, my husband did his laundry and I did mine. Then if it was left in a giant, wrinkled pile I was the only one who had to worry about it. Staying home I took on most of the laundry responsibility. It still sits in a giant, wrinkled pile after it is washed but now I feel incredibly guilty about not getting it folded and put away. This will be reverting back to a split job and I am thrilled about that.

2: Mental stimulation - a 1 year old does not talk. Her biggest interaction is snuggling and handing me all her toys and books. Most nights I lay in bed and try to get my mind to settle down because it has not had any stimulation during the day so at night I can't stop thinking about every thing that I should have done different or better. Now at the end of the day my mind will be tired.

3: 30 minutes of me time - I will have a 30 minute commute each way for my job. I love that time. It is my time to decompress, to put the day at work behind me and get ready to be home with my family. It is time to turn the radio up louder than I can with Tiny Tornado in the car and sing along. I can just relax and breathe during this time and I need that time. I have missed that time because at home I am either cleaning or entertaining.

4: Puppies and Kittens - This might only be 5% of my job but it is the 5% that makes even the worst day amazing. Puppy breath and snuggles make me smile and I have missed them. Kittens are so daring and brave and fearless that just watching them approach a new person makes me squeeze them, gently of course. Those appointments when everything goes right, you get to bond with new families and help them start their pet ownership out is why we do our job.

5: Independence - I have a Tiny Tornado who adores her mom. She adores her dad as well but I am the person that she has come to rely on for everything and this has really shown in the last few weeks. She has not wanted her dad to put her to bed and has screamed at him when he gets her ready. It is time for her to learn that other people can take care of her and that she can do somethings for herself. She needs to learn that Mommy will not always be there to fix everything. She may only be a year old but she is a stubborn, opinionated little girl. I know that having a great babysitter will only help her to grow up to not rely on other people for her happiness.

I know that the first couple of days will be an adjustment for our whole family. I also know that I am a better wife and mother when I am working. I am a happier person when I am fulfilled professionally. This makes me a better person to be around. I will treasure my time at home and will make sure to focus more on my family when I am home. There may be times my job interferes with my outside life but my balance has been restored. For me this is necessary to ensure we survive as a family.